I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
