maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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