Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am spending my child support on dildos
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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