garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
