I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
