Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
