so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
