Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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