hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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