its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
