So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
