dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
