Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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