my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
