Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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