ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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