girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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