I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
