i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
