apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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