Small penises have feelings too.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
