Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How's work?
Spinning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
