If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
