The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize