ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
