My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
