We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
