ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
did i walk over a car last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
