This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
