chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
