im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize