hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
