Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
