The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
