I just threw up on my dentist
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize