if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
