Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize