Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
