My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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