Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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