After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
