Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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