I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
