So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
