when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
