I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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