Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize