wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
