If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
