I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
