i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize