You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Randomize
