I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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