Kiss
Puke
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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