The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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