I wish I could teleport
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My vagina is very pro this idea
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
