Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
