I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
