well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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