i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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