I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
