If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
