we're blogging at a bar
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
