Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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