There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
