Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
