I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
