I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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