I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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