So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
