I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
