i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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