just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
do herpes really smell.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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