well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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