Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
