And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize