I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
