There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
