Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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