You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
