Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
