Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
