I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
