At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
