Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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