What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
