At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize