I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
