i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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