I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
