My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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