Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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