so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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