I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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