i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
