Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
