So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
