What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
